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"Barista Not Actually Flirting With You"

Via Starbucks Gossip, this story from The Onion:

Sources: Barista Not Actually Flirting With You

SAN FRANCISCO -- Though she greets you every morning with a smile, sometimes chats with you, and makes sure the chocolate syrup is evenly distributed throughout your mocha, Starbucks barista Molly Sopel is in truth not flirting with you, and is instead simply a pleasant person and conscientious employee, coffeeshop sources reported Monday.

"The best part about Molly is that she laughs and talks with everyone," said manager Mike Dezort, who confirmed that Sopel asks if you want room for milk as a courtesy, and not because of the physical attraction you think exists between the two of you. "I always overhear her calling customers sweetie, which people seem to like."

A Starbucks regular who frequently watches you order from Sopel is reportedly "shocked" that you still haven't realized that she only calls you by your first name when you pay with your debit card.

Wait, if the barista at Starbucks isn't flirting with me... what does that mean for the girl who worked at the Quizno's down by Harris Teeter? Or the cool girl with the tattoo who made me sandwiches at Yaletown Market? Or the girl who worked at Red Tractor Cafe? Has none of them been flirting with me? Not a single one? Damn!


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I was flirting with you.

Which one were you? I know that sounds clueless, but I just have to know.

I was the one in that chocolate shop in Boise.

That was you? Wow, you were pretty cute! No wonder I flirted with you.

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