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"The Sweet, Buttery Taste of Fear and Waffles"

A couple of years ago, I blogged about a story from The Onion that was the funniest thing I'd ever read. Recently, a colleague asked me if I had read The Onion's "Luftwaffle" story from a while back, which I hadn't. I'm sticking with "Japan Forms Alliance With White Supremacists in Well-Thought-Out Scheme" as the funniest short piece of humor ever, but there's a line in this story that is possibly The Onion's best ever:

German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles, Overwhelming Air Superiority

MUNICH -- An elite force of three dozen 24-hour Luftwaffle restaurants were unveiled across Germany Monday, with free waffles for blond-haired, blue-eyed customers, discounts on Cheese SwasSticks, and the incendiary bombardment of Luftwaffle's largest competitor, the city of London. "Soon, customers will fall under the sway of my lightning-quick, piping-hot Blintzkreig," said Hans Kreuzen, Luftwaffle's founder and oberstmanager-general. "All will know the sweet, buttery taste of fear and waffles from above." Luftwaffle restaurants are expected to face ruthless competition in Germany's already crowded martial-themed eatery business, which is led by such established chains as WehrKnochwurst and Der Marzipanzerkommand.

It has been a few days now, and I still can't say the words "the sweet, buttery taste of fear and waffles" without laughing.


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