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Compare and Contrast

For fun, compare and contrast the following.

From the script for Team America: World Police:

Kim Jong-Il: Hans Brix? Aww no! Oh, herro. Great to see you again, Hans.
Hans Blix: Mr. Il, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won't let me in to certain areas.
Kim: Hans, Hans, Hans, we've been through this a dozen times! I don't have any weapons of mass destruction, okay, Hans?
Blix: Then let me look around so I can ease the UN's collective mind.
Kim: Hans, you're breakin' my balls here, Hans, you're breakin' my balls!
Blix: I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you! Let me see your whole palace, or else!
Kim: Or erse, what?
Blix: Or else we will be very, very angry with you, and we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are.

From The Onion:

US Intensifies Empty-Threat Campaign Against North Korea

WASHINGTON, DC -- During a recent press conference, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice issued another warning to North Korea, escalating the U.S. empty-threat campaign against the nation. "Make no mistake, if Kim Jong Il does not put a stop to the manufacturing of plutonium in his nation, we will come down on him quite hard," Rice said. "We demand compliance, and if we don't get it, then watch out." Rice went on to say that noncompliance would result in some action that "would be very bad indeed," adding that North Korea does not want to know what it will be in for.

And finally, from President Bush's most recent press conference:

Q Good morning, Mr. President. This morning you reiterated diplomacy as the way to deal with North Korea. With all due respect, some people say that's precisely the wrong approach because diplomacy has produced nothing, while at the same time it has allowed North Korea to progress in its nuclear program.


Q How do you -- what do you say to them?

THE PRESIDENT: Well, then let's see -- if it's the wrong -- if diplomacy is the wrong approach, I guess that means military. That's how I view it -- it's either diplomacy or military. And I am for the diplomacy approach. And so, for those who say that we ought to be using our military to solve the problem, I would say that, while all options are on the table, we've got -- we've got a ways to go to solve this diplomatically --

Q How long --

THE PRESIDENT: -- well, let me -- let me finish. No, I always get asked that, how long? How long are you going to do this? How long is that going to happen? Why don't you give us a timetable? I'm not giving timetables. I am going to say that we are -- and it's very important for our partners to understand that I believe the six-party talks can and will work. We're constantly in touch with our Chinese counterparts. Sometimes people move a little slower than American society in the world. And sometimes expectations around the world are maybe different from ours. But, fortunately, we've got everybody on the same page that says that the idea of North Korea having a nuclear weapon isn't good.

And by the way, that started with, as you know -- might recall, the visit I had with Jiang Zemin in Crawford. And we came out of that visit with a common declaration that said it's in our interests that North Korea not have a nuclear weapon. And that was a positive step forward because once you get a country to commit to that goal, then it makes it -- enables us to work together to achieve that goal in a peaceful way.

The other thing is, is that it's clear from the other five parties there -- the other four parties in our five-party coalition dealing with the sixth party, which is North Korea -- is that people do want to solve this issue diplomatically. And so it's a -- it's a matter of continuing to send a message to Mr. Kim Jong-il that if you want to be accepted by the neighborhood and be a part of the -- of those who are viewed with respect in the world, work with us to get rid of your nuclear weapons program.


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