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"Beeks! Where in Hell is Beeks?"

(Spoiler alert if you haven't seen Trading Places.)

In the movie Trading Places, trading firm owners, brothers, and bad guys Randolph and Mortimer Duke (Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche) hire sleazy bad guy Clarence Beeks (Paul Gleason) to procure for them an advance copy of the orange harvest forecast, the idea being to make millions in the futures market. The good guys intercept Beeks and foil their plan. The Dukes are ruined financially, and Randolph collapses on the floor of the exchange. As he's being taken away on a stretcher, he cries out, "Beeks! Where in Hell is Beeks?"

There are six days left until the US election. I'm still waiting for über-sleazemeister and electoral bag man Karl Rove to pull his much-anticipated October surprise on behalf of the President. Where is it? So far, the October surprises -- executed Iraqi soldiers and the Iraqi government blaming the US; 380 tons of high explosives apparently looted -- have all been bad ones for Bush. Surely Rove has something planned.

Karl Rove is the Clarence Beeks of the Republican Party. So I'll say it for Bush: Rove! Where in Hell is Rove?

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