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"We'll Know Those Bastards Have Taken Over"

A friend of mine complained about all the geese encountered during a visit to North Carolina. I wrote back:

There are lots of geese here. It's not our fault. Really. They come from Canada. They're the leading edge of the Canadian invasion force. Pretty clever of them, don't you think? Who would suspect geese? I mean, they're geese. It's not like they're toting sniper rifles and channeling Michael Biehn from Navy SEALS. But invaders they are. When the Canadians take over, North Carolina will be the first to fall. I imagine the presence of an NHL team here is all part of the plot. Soon we'll be eating Coffee Crisp bars and all-dressed potato chips. We'll be polite and clean and the crime rate will go down and we'll have universal health care. That's when we'll know those bastards have taken over.


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